Sharing Sandra

Introduction to My Communication Style

March 11th, 2022

A twist in my posts starts today. Don’t worry, every Monday I will still be putting out my comic. In addition to the comics you have grown to love or enjoy enough to revisit this page, now you will also be getting a different side of me, a different Scenario (eh eh *nudge nudge*), in which I bring you along (if you choose to read or listen) on my attempt to change my life and to potentially help others along the way. I will be writing and recording a series of blogs to go through my thoughts; lessons I’ve learned; hopefully helpful guidance; and updates with what I’ve been doing since the last blog. Outside of personal progress and comics I will be working through my library of 600 plus video games and will be posting reviews.

If you have trouble reading text in a way that is unbiased or if you have a busy schedule and can’t sit still to read this, please check out the audio version to enjoy in the moments in which you can listen while doing something thing else. I’m all for multi-tasking so I hope this helps if you are too.

To those who know me, you know these will not be short blogs, even my casual texts to friends turn into letters. To everyone, I want to request a favor. If you decide not to go the audio route, please read my words in a tone that is calm and loving through the more serious topics; one that only wants to help guide those who may need it and are open to the knowledge I have gained over the years of prioritizing the understanding of my own mind; reflection of other people’s minds; and only with the best intentions at heart. I suggest reading (or listening) to the progression blogs alongside calming music to help you better enter the state of mind that I will be in while writing them. I will be vulnerable and honest throughout this whole experience.

What I say may not relate with some of you, but I hope that you will allow yourselves to be open to reading a different perspective on life if that is the case. Even allowing yourself to take time to think about it afterwards to see if it does apply to you; a loved one; or a person you may have conflicts with. I’m not saying I expect you to follow my guidance, because who really knows the “correct” way to live life? Though if you are at that point in your life where you are open to guidance and introspection then my words may help. If not to help bring perspective to your individual life, maybe to bring perspective to other lives and how you decide to treat them going forward. My goal is that I’m trying to make a positive impact on this world, and putting my thoughts out into the world instead of keeping them caged up.

I take a more philosophical look at life, with the understanding of how the world works day to day. So although, I may not include every circumstance, that does not mean I am dismissing them. Please focus on the message, not the way it is presented as I am not able to phrase things in everyone’s communication style, although I do try to be clear. There are a few things I’d like for you to take into consideration when reading (or listening) to this blog that will hopefully help alleviate certain frustrations. When I use the collective “you” or “we” it may not actually include you or maybe it included a different version of you but you have changed since then. When I write sentences that use the word “or” and limit options to two or three scenarios, this again, does not mean I believe there are only two or three scenarios. I know there are so many other variables and scenarios out there, but from my experiences the ones that may come up the most will be the ones mentioned. Also I would hate to use etc. as much as I would need to during this as that would get repetitive. I will try my best not to annoy you with my writing style but I do want to present this blog as an intimate setting (no not romantic, but vulnerable and personal). I do write in the way that I speak so when I put the commas in, that’s me pausing, and, well… I pause a lot. Also the reason why I pause as much as I do is to ensure I’m not phrasing things in a way that can be misperceived. Hopefully, this will help you to better enjoy my writing or at least tolerate it. Again, if you know me, I think you understand the way I speak by now, which is with intensity, heart, consideration, and at length to ensure I’m covering anything I feel I would have speculated on if I was on the other side of this conversation. At times my nerves may be heard in my voice as I do worry about the other person’s interpretation of what I’m saying, but during this I hope that won’t be an issue as I won’t be directly in front of you seeing your mannerisms or hearing your tone change mid-conversation.

With that being said, what I say going forth may be taken in various ways but please give me the benefit of the doubt that what may sound negative or insulting is not how I am speaking to you. Although I have my opinions, I try my best to not negatively judge others but be open to their perspectives as well as be patient if our views do clash. Yes, I may have an emotional reaction, but just like everyone else, I’m working through those reactions and that takes time, a lot of time and practice. At times there will be statements made that may seem directed at people, but in reality, they are just a direct form of stating something that I have learned. I will be sharing my perspective that has helped me to better understand the choices we all make in life and also has helped me survive in a world that always felt like a game that never had a Tutorial.

When an interaction didn’t feel right, I wanted to understand why, and as inquisitive as I am, I would ask not only the person, but myself what caused a negative response in return; why did their demeanor/tone change; or why did I receive a response where the person took something out of context. In doing this, I would hear various answers some honest and some not honest, but eventually I started learning that my phrasing can cause these responses. I do give examples during conversations that may be taken as grievances being brought up, but my reasoning is only to show a comparison or an example of a situation that lead to the issue. That’s where I ask you not to focus on the example as much as the message that goes along with my understanding of said example. Projection is definitely a huge portion of this, but like mostly everyone, we tend to have a premeditated reaction to certain things and phrasing definitely helps alleviate these tensions. I’m horrible with phrasing. I always want to be as considerate to everyone as I possibly can without losing who I am, which can at times be a direct person speaking in a way that goes against what others are used to and that may not always show emotion in the moments where people need to see or hear emotion along with blunt phrasing that may catch people off guard.

Here’s an example: “The weather is extremely hot today.” Some may take this as me complaining about it being too hot, and that my intention is to bring it up for us to do something about it or tell me to stop complaining; while I’m actually just stating something I’m thinking, because I have a lot going on in my brain and sometimes I need to expel my thoughts so I don’t feel overwhelmed. If I am needing assistance with an issue, even when I’m uncomfortable, I ask for help.

Communication has been something I’ve been working on since I was a child. It has always been difficult for me to talk to someone, and it’s because I care about how the other person is taking in my words. I care if they are hearing the message I’m trying to get across without hurting them along the way. If there’s confusion based on mannerisms or tone changes, I try to explain my message but a lot of times others may focus on details stated instead of the core point. It hasn’t been an easy road, but once people let their guard down, they tend to be able to better understand me and the conversation flows a bit smoother. If you do want more clarification on what I’ve said, possibly even have a discussion about it, please feel free to leave questions in the comments or even email me at sandra@sandrascenarios.com.

Realistically, you’re probably here because you are a dear friend or family member, who wanted to show me support and know my comics are helping me in ways I needed it to the most, and that in a way brings you joy to see. Maybe it was your way of hanging out with me again, without all of the intensity I do bring to a relationship. You get to see that side of me that makes you laugh or think differently. Hopefully, regardless of why you visit this page, you always leave with a smile. Thank you for that. It does touch my heart knowing that I have people like you who give me a place in your life. You literally take time out of your lifespan, however long that may be, and spend it with me. A concept we often overlook is giving our time to others and understanding the impact that can make on someone. A minute for you to text someone a “hello” is a moment to that person knowing they have someone who is thinking about them and that lasts much longer than a minute.

Those strangers who have joined during this time (oh hi there!), I appreciate the support from you as much as I do from my loved ones. It’s important to be able to look at strangers in a way you look at someone you love. Empathy comes along with that and although you, of course, want to set boundaries (as you should with even the ones you love) you make the world a bit more positive and hopeful when you show understanding and consideration to those around you. In this world negativity swarms our lives. We build up these walls and reflexes to protect ourselves (most of the time not intentionally, but instinctually) and with that we look at the Innocent, the Loving, and the Kind in ways that we looked at those people who have hurt us in the past. We question their sincerity or sometimes we don’t even give them a chance to make an impact on us. The world starts to feel smaller by doing this. Only allowing the most trusted people into our lives we can often live in a bubble or even an echo chamber at times, which may stunt our growth as human beings, limiting the encounters that challenge us, which again depending on the route you take can help you grow or potentially retreat to mindsets that you feel secured being surrounded by. Our past experiences guide our future encounters and this is a route that is difficult to change. People trying to take advantage of one another’s kindness; a competitive nature that leads to pushing others down, instead of helping them up; or malicious intentions behind positive words. All of these things plus more shape how our brain looks at the next person. Of course there are people who fight this by working on it day in and day out be it with a therapist, friends, meditation, or just a consistency of reminding themselves that this new person isn’t the one who hurt them before. So, thank you, for taking the time out of your life to hear a stranger’s thoughts and taking a chance in expanding your world a bit more with me.

I appreciate you reading (or listening) to this introduction to my communication style. I hope that it helps you through the upcoming ones as there may be certain topics that might get lost depending on how you approach the blog. Remember to try to keep an open mind and heart when you join me. Trust that although I may digress there usually is a good reason for it so try to stick with me and hopefully we can progress together.

Until the next Scenario!