I Quit

Why I Quit My Job after Nine Years

March 18th, 2022

I wanted to start this blog by reminding you to check out my introduction blog (or audio version), Sharing Sandra, to help better understand my communication style even if you’ve known me for awhile. It might help alleviate preconceived notions you may have when reading and depending on where your mindset is today it might be helpful to you when diving into this. I want to reiterate a portion of the introduction blog. I will be recording an audio version of this blog to allow those who may not have time to read a wall of text, but are still interested in what I have to say along with being able to hear my tone and hopefully hear my intentions as well. I recommend listening to soothing music while reading this, or hopefully my voice during the audio version will bring you to the mindset I was in while writing it.

Are you still with me? If so, let’s talk about the title of this blog. “I Quit”. I quit my job after nine years. Years ago, I spoke with my significant other about leaving my job. I was unhappy. Not in the sense that I had to work, or in a way of doing the daily grind (though we will get to this portion soon), but I was unhappy that my position did not have the purpose I was looking for in life or utilized my full potential. It took me years to better understand that’s what was missing.

I did remove a portion of this blog that dove into issues I had with the company, because I felt that would take away from the main reason why I left. The internal struggles mostly were frustrating but manageable. Also, similar struggles would have been found at mostly any other workplace. I may talk about those at another time, but for now I want to focus on what made me want to quit.

Previous to working in the tech industry, I worked with children. I taught them, cared for them, and tried to help shape their lives in positive ways. Although this was something I loved, I was struggling financially, and jumped into the tech industry where I obtained a better paying job (the first company slightly improved my finances, but the second company was the one where I made enough to be considered middle class).

Something that was instilled in me as a young adult was the importance to survive in this world. Money is the way of the world right now. So I believed it was important to find a position that would pay me to be able to live a comfortable life and that’s what happened with the job I just left. I did not want to be hasty in my decision, nor did I want it to be based on a mid-life crisis mindset, but as my friend said, a mid-life re-alignment. That’s why I stayed with the company for a few more years after the initial discussion with my significant other and I took time to make sure that I was doing the right thing for me by finding purpose in the job I had; appreciating it for the life it has provided me; and also knowing to be grateful as others may not have the chance to obtain a position that has ease and security. I was conflicted with leaving knowing that it checked all the boxes I had for the comfort zone I believed was needed to survive. Then I realized day in and day out my energy and heart was being wasted, and I was only surviving financially, but not mentally.

The life I was living was similar to grinding in a video game. I was doing monotonous, unchallenging tasks reaping the experience to help me get to the end game and potentially enjoy the reward after a long period of time. I mean, I understand I could have moved to different positions in the company to challenge myself (which I occasionally did temporarily), but I realized that the challenges would not be for the betterment of the world or even myself in the deeper sense, instead more for the betterment of the internal automation used at the company to make more money. If I am following my own words, my belief in what life should be about, which is love, internal growth, and cooperation in making this world a better place, why remain in a position that wasn’t fulfilling this? I was stuck in the loop of feeling as if money was leading my life.

The luxuries that come with money be it food delivery; purchases of escapism or distractions; being able to buy things that I can learn to make or even things that make life easier to give us more time doing something else; and, well, feeding into the capitalism side of society, were things I came to rely on. Also why I had such a conflicting feeling when it came to leaving. My convictions vs my reality. I need to change my reality. I’m not saying that it is all bad, but I feel as if money makes a lot of our life choices for us. I understand not everyone has the freedom or flexibility to see money in this way, so when I speak about it, I am talking about in the grander scheme of life. Money has formed how our society lives their lives. Some people move their passions aside for a job that helps them provide for their family. Some people choose jobs primarily based on how much they will make for whatever reason that brings them to that need for it (milestones we were taught, poverty, retirement, power, ease of life, fame, security). Money also directs how people treat and/or view others. Whatever path chosen when the goal is money, it can end up steering us farther away from the simplistic (yet grand) perspective of life being about love, nature, exploration, growth, and people. Some may balance all of these purposes with their job and utilizing their finances to help with these purposes or even those who are waiting until a better time in their life to be able to use the money to take a break and do as I am doing, but there are a lot of people who lose track of those elements of life with the goal of making money. Their beliefs may no longer be the same as they once were as a child or young adult or maybe these beliefs never existed depending on how they grew up.

I believe with the pandemic, this also changed people’s perspectives on life and for others enforced the perspective they had. Going back to “normalcy” as quickly as a lot of people did, felt as if there was this connection to a life they were comfortable with and were not ready to let go of while others took that time to look at their own lives and used introspection to see what they wanted going forward (again, there are other scenarios and exceptions to this).

I’ve always been an introspective person and with that I do struggle with certain types of jobs and life. I understand I can figure out ways to cope with my position as well (how do you think I made it nine years) but why stay with something that doesn’t feel right internally? That makes me question, “Who am I if my actions don’t follow my words?” Why continue with something that goes against my convictions if I do not fully have a “need” to do so? Then there’s these moments in life, where you start realizing that you’re rationalizing what you’re doing to avoid taking the oh so scary leap out of your comfort zone into the unknown future. Something as small as a television quote can motivate you. In my case it was Station 11.

“I don’t want to live the wrong life and then die.”

Station 11

I saved up a bunch of money which took me years to do (initially supposed to go towards a house, but that again would have lead me into another debt in which money would be leading my life choices); I created a budget to see how long I could do this for; created a schedule to help stay disciplined and on task for my main goal; and decided to quit my job and take a year off from contributing to the corporate world and work on myself to be able to find a position that I feel utilizes my passions and would fulfill what I want to do in life, which was help better the world. It is as if I am going back to school, but instead of going to a brick and mortar school as I did a long time ago, I am setting up my life to allow myself growth in various ways; having the energy to allow myself to have a creative outlet; better myself physically; along with a safety net of learning different skillsets that I may need when going back into the workforce if this plan doesn’t pan out.

I have had multiple discussions with loved ones and the supportive tone has been varying, but all have shown a response of wanting me to be happy, and for those who are nervous for me, believe me, I’m terrified as is, so let me work through that and trust that I will figure things out based on surviving for 38 years already. Of course, I appreciate your support, but this is something I need to overcome and be able to sit in the scary moments, allowing the hopeful feelings to prevail. I will go more into detail about my schedule during an update blog, but let’s conclude this in a Too Long Didn’t Read (TLDR) section as I tend to do in conversations as well.

TLDR: I’m trying to change my life to match my beliefs at the age of 38 knowing that it may not work, but wanting to at least give it an attempt while I’m able to do so and potentially helping others along the way.

Thank you, again, for sharing this time with me and I hope it gave you a glance at a different perspective be it in your own life or someone else’s. Feel free to share in the comments what you felt about this blog; questions you might have for clarification or interest; and I would also love to see what you may be working on in your own lives.

Until the next Scenario!